i pray for the strength to stand today. just today. oh please.

[i don't wanna run away, but i can't take it]

[i don't understand]

[i can't hold on to me]

[i wonder what's wrong with me]

[wake me up]

[i can't wake up]



[i've been living a lie]

[where there's nothing inside]

*****

feel extremely down today. and i've no idea why. there's something in my mind; the one and only one i've been thinking since days ago. i don't know why. i wonder why. is it a lie? owh, life is all a lie. a lie which i am no longer able to bear. i feel like running away. to somewhere i could find peace, and freedom. oh please. i wanna be free. free from all these thoughts. i wanna be me. the only independent me. i love myself. i love myself. i don't want people to care. i love being me. i love the side of me that cares about people but ask nothing in return. i've learnt not to be dependant to people. i thank God that i finally got used to it. i've learnt to live myself. i spent most times alone, doing all things alone. alone. and alone. but i loved it. much love it. but things are always beyond the expectation. the 'peace' that i thought i've found was actually an entrance to the chamber of sorrow and sufferings. the 'freedom' which i thought i've experienced was the one filled with emptiness and loneliness. i kept telling myself that life is not hard. and i am still believing in that. life is not hard, but challenging. i know. i know. i know. hence i have to try to face it. i believe in me. i believe in Allah, the Savior. "Verily, with every difficulty there is a relief". i believe in that. Allah will never be unjustice. and i, will never ever be weak. i am strong. strong enough to bear everything. i am growing maturer. i will be more independant. i will live on my on. i won't ask for more. i love everything i have now and i am valuing every single of them. i'll be strong. strong. strong, strong, strong, strong, strong, strong, strong, strong, strong, strong, strong, strong, and strong. full stop.